Living the Call.

Quick note.  I found yesterday's reading from Ephesians to be an apt addition to this blog.  As I muse on motherhood I need to " live in the manner worthy of the call I have been given." I need to remember that this is not a random life I am living.  I have been given this great gift.  This family of 6 children, with their ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses to guide back to their heavenly father.  This is no small task.  Thankfully,  I have been paired with this generous man for this task.  We have been called, by God.  Singled out.  YOU Lynn, no slouching over there.  I need you to do this for me.  Will you?  Will you give it your all?  Will it hurt? Will it be hard? Yup.  But I need YOU.  I have given this call  to you and no one else.  Only you can do it.  Don't just let it happen.  But live your life, your vocation, in manner that is worthy to the call.  Remember "grace was given to each of us according to the measure of Christ's gift."

Well then.  Onward and upward.  Another day.  Homeschooling, making dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, playing a game, driving to the tutor or orthodontist and all the other ordinary things.  They are not so ordinary anymore because of who called me to do them.

Have a blessed day and live according to the call you have been given.

Brothers and sisters:
I, a prisoner for the Lord,
urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
bearing with one another through love,
striving to preserve the unity of the Spirit
through the bond of peace:
one Body and one Spirit,
as you were also called to the one hope of your call;
one Lord, one faith, one baptism;
one God and Father of all,
who is over all and through all and in all.

But grace was given to each of us
according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 

And he gave some as Apostles, others as prophets,
others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers,
to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry,
for building up the Body of Christ,
until we all attain to the unity of faith
and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,
to the extent of the full stature of Christ.

Hello

What? Another blog on mothering? Really?  What else can be said?  Not much probably.  But this has been something that has been rambling around in my mind for a couple years. Not that I have anything stellar or novel to say about motherhood.  I am claiming absolutely, positively, no expertise at all.  No advise.  More a place to put all the thoughts that ramble around in my head  in hopes that when I go to bed at night those voices will be quiet!  (Both the voices in my head and the 7 other people in my house!). That being said I had two people recently tell me I should write a blog (they didn't know I was thinking about it for two years).  Granted one was my daughter and the other one of my best friends so at first I dismissed them because I thought they were bias. Then I realized they were two of the people I can count on to tell me when not to do/wear/say something.  Then today I was electronically chatting with another friend (I miss face to face chats).  We were talking about our college children and he mentioned something like "college freshman always know what they want see how it changes in 4 years." Which got me thinking. ( Ah here is the musing part.)
Not my daughter.  The soon to be college sophomore has things pretty well planned out and I think it will take an act of God to change her plans.  More musings and a chuckle.  Kind of like her mother.

Yes, I had it all planned out.  And for awhile the forces to be, that would be God, went along with my plan or I more than likely went along with His.  I went to college and before I even got there I knew I was going to graduate school.  I found a major that had to have a master's degree in order to have a career. I found a grad school that had an internship program with an affiliation with a large Boston teaching hospital so I could then make connections and get a job at a Boston Hospital.  Plan worked.  Marriage should come next.  Check.  Children. Check. Career, children and maybe a Ph.D. was the plan. I came of age in the 80's.  You know.  Women, we could and should do all those things.  And we could do it smoothly.  And we would be happy.  Because, you know, we could have it all. And so that was the plan.  Except as of January 2, 1997 there was this 6 lb. 12 oz.  baby girl who greeted me with these beautiful insightful eyes that bore into my soul and my plan and I struggled.  We really struggled.  And we have been struggling ever since.  Who am I?  What am I? How can I teach my daughters to be strong independent women if I am "just a stay at home mom?"  How can I teach them to "reach for the stars" (as my dad taught me), if I don't have a career? If I am not making a difference ,a real impact for good in the world?

So I went from full time working woman with career ambitions to half time working mom, with one child who  hated ever minute because she felt like she was giving less than her best to family and work.  Then to full time stay at home mom who dabbled in speech therapy every once in awhile and became a La Leche League leader because that would be a good step to becoming a lactation consultant, when the kids got older.  I could then work in a NICU and really make a difference and help people.  So when baby number three was about to start preschool it was time to get back to work part time.  Start slow.  But start again.  Ok.  The plan was back on track.  I had goals, things to do, things to achieve, letters to add after my name!  Except, my plan apparently wasn't His plan.  I got this crazy idea to homeschool  (and that is another story!).  And then I was pregnant with number 4!  Then number 5.  And oh my gosh, yes, number 6!!!

Let me tell you I have no plans anymore.  I don't and can't even plan dinner most nights.  And yet I still struggle.  I struggle with the idea that I should be "doing something." Yes, I know raising 6 kids is doing something. Making sure all children get to where they need to be and are home safe and sound at the end of the day is doing something. Teaching my children is doing something.  But it is not, in the eyes of most, something with a capital S.  And that is what I still struggle with.  Is that vanity and pride?  Probably. Through the grace of God I have grown and embraced this vocation of motherhood.  These 6 blessings God has given me is the only way that I could get out of the way to let God in.  I know that in my head.  I am grateful every day for being able to be home full time with my children. Homeschooling them has been an incredible journey.  This is were I am meant to be.  This is God's plan for me.  And that is all I can speak of.  Yet....when my sister in law got her Ph.D. this year I was thrilled for he, but, true confession, I cried for myself.  I get annoyed when the Alumni magazine comes in and it has write ups with all these amazing alumni with amazing things they are doing.  When are they going to call ME?  

 So I still struggle.  But maybe not so much any more.  Maybe it is more like musings.  Thinking and being.   Trying to appreciate the moment.   Trying to be open to what life and God has to give me.  Maybe that is the new plan.  Or at least I am going to try.  It has only taken me 19+ years.

So join me and the voices in my head as I muse on motherhood.

Thanks!

p.s.  FYI- because I am not fooling myself and definitely not God,  writing a blog is "doing something."  shhh....don't tell.