I drove 10 hours away from home last week to drop our third child off for her first year of college. It was as mentally and physically exhausting as you would think it would be. This being the third time I've done it didn't make it any easier. My long drive home alone allowed me time to solidify the musings I had previously had regarding giving birth and leaving your child at college.
Bare with my analogy.
When you find out you are pregnant you feel a tremendous responsibility to nurture this precious life you have been given. You try to eat right, exercise, and refrain from anything that may cause harm to the life growing inside of you. You approach birth with much trepidation and excitement. Giving birth, you have been told is painful, you try to approach it with the attitude that it is a normal and necessary pain that does not mean something is wrong or broken but that something is completely right. The pain gives way to the most incredible thing that has ever happened to you, the emergence of this new person.
In much the same way you give birth again when the child goes to college (or whatever adult transition he or she makes-I only have the college one for experience). You have grown and nurtured this precious life you were given. You have watered, feed, exercised, taught, fought, laughed, cried and loved this gift for 18 years. The summer before college you become weary with the carrying of the emotion (9 months pregnant). Often times, it is fraught with some discourse. Both child and parents begin to slowly break away (Braxton Hicks Contractions) and surprisingly there is more tension than you had expected, With much excitement and trepidation the day looms when you need to leave that child. You anticipate the pain but you do not fully understand it until you get in that car and drive away. It breaks you in two much like labor did. Remember, how during labor, you thought your body would physically break apart? Remember that moment when you thought, "I am going to die because there is no way my body can do this."? That moment in labor is called, rightly so, Transition. For those of you Mamas who are leaving your child at school. this is where you are now, Transition. You are physically in pain and you don't think you can make it through. It hurts way more than you expected. You know this is where you are supposed to be. You know this is what you have worked toward for 18 years. You know that your job has always been to work yourself out of a job. So why does it hurt so darn much? A friend of mine aptly describes it as a piece of your heart is walking around outside your body (a newborn). YET, just like labor and birth, this is a good and necessary pain. It is a pain that means all is right with the world. It means that you have done your job well. You are in Transition. You don't think you can do it. The midwives always say that when the Mother says "I can't do it anymore," during labor the baby is soon to be born. You may not be able to see through the Transition. Be gentle with yourself. Things will not feel right at home, you will be weepy for no reason, you will mourn the loss of the family that was while adjusting to the family that is. Slowly, things will start to make sense again as you shift into a new routine. When your child calls the first time, with jubilation in her voice and says, "MOM! Guess what I did?" your heart will swell with pride just like it did with the first steps, first smiles, first words. When you make it through Transition, you will be rewarded with the ability to gaze upon this person, that you know, yet haven't met yet. You will be grateful beyond belief to watch her become the person God has created her to be.
As I drove away from my daughter's college town at 5 am the morning after I said goodbye I allowed myself to experience the pain while holding onto the knowledge (once again) that this was a good pain, this meant everything was right and healthy, this meant that an amazing new life was about to be born!
