It was not more than 10 minutes after the Patriots won the Superbowl when a text came in from our 17 year old son, "Mom, we want to go to the parade on Tuesday." He was watching the game a friend's house. My knee jerk reaction when my teenagers start a query with "Mom, can I...?" is "NO!" Unless you are asking me to go to church or adoration, NO, NO, NO.
I have been accused of being an over protective parent. Many people think that is why we homeschool. It is not. Honestly, I don't think I am over protective. I parent with the goal of working myself out of a job. I want my children to stretch, grow, experience, make mistakes, grow some more. I am there guiding them with a hand on their backs when they need it and some sign posts along the way: go this way, try this. If they are not ready for something, I have learned not to push, it backfires. So I gently nudge. That being said, there still is space in my head for worry.
About three weeks after my oldest was born I realized that I would worry about this person for the rest of my life. Postpartum hormones were ranging along with three weeks of no sleep so that realization was extremely heavy, overwhelming, and scary. Although it is still a true statement, with time and life that irrational panic was subdued and put in its appropriate place. Except, when my teenagers ask me "Mom, can I....?" The initial response is coming from the same spot as that postpartum anxiety. It is raw and real. NO! I worry! I worry about.... and I can come up with a list of all the possible worst case scenarios in a nano second. I need to keep you safe.
As I was musing about this the past few days I spoke to two of my closest friends. One of them reported, in a somewhat resigned voice, that she received a text from her 20 year old saying the spring break trip to Costa Rica was all set. In her voice I heard the same feelings that I was trying to put my finger on. The next day I spoke with my other friend and she was able to identify all the things I thought could go wrong with my son going into Boston to the parade! We laughed at how we both had the same thoughts. It made me feel better knowing that it was not just me who thought this way. I realized it is all mothers. It's not that we don't want our children to do these things. It is not that they are asking for inappropriate experiences. It is not that they are irresponsible. It is that when we became mothers our whole outlook changed. We were now responsible for someone else. And with all the joys and challenges of parenting also came the "what if worries.".
I really don't like the word worry. I don't think it adequately describes what we are experiencing. Maybe it is a new sense we develop in Motherhood? It's there. It doesn't control us or consume us. It may rear it's ugly head but we can subdued it when it is far fetch and out of control. It reminds us to be ever vigilant but it listens to reason. For me it just seems to be louder lately. Maybe it is because I have a 20 year old, 17 year old and 14 year old who are inching closer to independent flight every day. That realization calls me to fall back on the one thing that I know I can do to ensure their safety: pray. Pray that they stay close to their Heavenly Father and their Mother Mary. Entrust them back to the One who gave them to us in the first place. As they grow up and become the people God created them to be it is the most important thing I can still do for them. And it helps keep that Mother Sense in its appropriate place.
The 17 year old had a great time at the Patriots parade. There was no terrorist attack, no drunken mob beating him up, he didn't get mug and he didn't get in an accident on the way home in the snow. I really was happy for him! It brought back memories of a certain highschool senior who attended a Celtic's Victory parade in 1986.
