I vividly remember the day my oldest was a baby and my husband found me crying (not really unusual at that point but bare with me). Come to find out, I was envisioning the days when my daughter would be all grown up and I wouldn't like her. Now, before you judge me hear me out. I had always had a "knack" with children. I gravitated towards them, I enjoyed them, I knew I wanted to work in pediatrics BUT I always had this vague feeling of liking the puppy or kitten but not liking the dog or cat. My husband of course was very rational and honestly said, "I look forward to them as teenagers and adults, they will be so interesting." I did not believe him.
Fast forward 20 or so years.
I had a brief chat with my college senior today. It was a quick check in because I was concerned about something and wanted to touch base. The conversation we had made me pause and reminded me about the above conversation I had with my husband. WOW! I like this kid turned adult. This was not the first time recently that I had thought this about both my college "children".
April 2018, I had the most wonderful opportunity. I went to Austria for 5 days to visit my then junior in college during her semester abroad. Our first day was spent in Vienna, St. Stephen's Cathedral for Mass, Vienna coffee houses, out of the way Armenian Monastery: I was like a kid in a candy shop! I love to travel and I hadn't done something like this in a long, long time.: as in BC time (before children). After our day in Vienna we took trains and buses to the quintessential Austrian town of Gaming. The hills were alive! I was ready to go! But my daughter was not. Yes, we started the beautiful spring day with Viennese coffee and a tour of her campus, which use to be a Carthusian monastery. Then she needed to do school work. Ok. I thought, I will plan the next couple days. As we sat in the court yard I started surfing and suggesting: we could rent bikes and ride to the next village, we could take a train to another village and see the big cathedral, we could...., we could......, we could do so much! We are in Austria! Finally, she looked at me and said, "Mom, I just want to hang out here with you. I have been traveling every weekend, I have work to do and I just like having you here with me." OH! Well, that stopped me in my tracks. So I sat and started thinking. And because I have a hard time sitting too long I went for a short hike and let her get on with some studying.
As I hiked I started musing. I already had my junior year in Europe. This was her time not my time. Yet, she wanted me to be part of it, to experience it, to share it with her. That thought brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart to the point of bursting. And suddenly, I was ok with hanging out in Gaming for 4 days, meeting her friends, sitting a coffee shop for two hours drinking the most amazing ice coffee ever, going to daily mass together, meeting up at the restraunt on campus for a drink after a beautiful hike to a waterfall, basically, she was letting me into HER life. It couldn't have been more wonderful if I had planned it myself! HA! I kind of like this person. I might have actually chosen to hang with her in Austria even if she wasn't my daughter!
That thought stayed with me as I flew home. I mused that I should do that with every child before they "fly the coop": spend some quality time with them on their own turf. Again, I was planning and organizing and something bigger was going to intervene and show me that I don't need to go to Austria to appreciate the adults my children are becoming.
In May my college son and I took a quick 2 day trip to Washington DC. He was thinking of transferring and UMaryland was one of his choice. Well, off we went. How surprised I was when I was so quickly blessed with another "I like these adult kids moment." Of course his was completely different in style than his sister's but that makes sense! They are completely different people. And yet....I love them. Wait. I have to love them they are my kids. I actually LIKE them! They touch different parts of ME. And this is what I remember and cherish most from our quick two day turn around: having my son introduce me to new music that I never would have listened to, including some funny rap songs, having to reveal one of my most embarrassing life moments to him and he not blinking an eye, having him stuck in a car and actually talking about things in his life and then saying, "wow, I just talked a lot.", asking him if he wanted detour to "Rut's Hut?" and him knowing what I was talking about and agreeing, pulling into a campground at midnight and kind of just going with the flow of setting up in the dark, both of us drawing a "line" down the middle of the tent: making sure the other stayed on his side, and me being completely confident in his ability to drive us through NYC. Laughing. Wow. I like him too.
Having children from age 7-21.....what can I say? You are in many different "time zones". I cherish the ones who still snuggle on my lap because I know those days are ending soon. But because I have had these experiences with my older two I can start to see them in the middle two and I am getting excited. I am amazed how my husband nailed it on the head all those years ago. They ARE interesting and even if they were not my children I would choose to spend time with them because I like the people they have become and are becoming! For that I am eternally grateful.
Saturday, October 27, 2018
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
One Beautiful Dream
Recently I had the opportunity to not only leave the house without children but to leave the country for 6 days! I was blessed to go visit my college daughter in Austria during her semester abroad. To say it was a wonderful adventure is putting it mildly and I will get around to musing about that in a later post. However, what I want to share with you today is a new book I read on the plane. Yes, I read the whole thing in one sitting from Boston to Vienna.
One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler is a book I wish had been written and available to me 21 years ago as I was transitioning into motherhood. As I have mentioned before, women coming of age in the 80s and 90s were not only given the opportunity to "have it all" but were expected to seamlessly and easily "have it all." Except it never really worked like we thought it would. For me, I couldn't give to my family and my career what I wanted. Working 20 hours a week was not the "best of both world" for me. I could not handle being pulled in different directions and feeling like Iwas able to give to "both worlds" what was needed and deserved. Transitioning from "the best of both worlds" to full time motherhood was hard. Who was I? What did I write in the occupation box on applications? Was I using the gifts God gave me if I "just stayed home with my kids"? Jennifer's book gives a completely different view on what "having it all means". It reminds us that motherhood doesn't mean letting go of who you are. Your gifts, talents, longings are still there and they need to be used in order for you to flourish in your vocation. My motherhood doesn't and shouldn't be a cookie-cutter, copy -cat of what motherhood should look like. Anchored in faith Jennifer shows us how our dreams are not in isolation from our vocation as mothers. Our dreams, our goals, our families, can and should co-exist. They are not mutually exclusive. When we use our gifts we create. When we create we fulfill needs in our lives and that spills over to those around us.
Although this is a memoir of a mother's journey it is not just for mothers. My college daughter read it while I was visiting her. I think it was a great resource for her to have in the back of her mind as she moves into adulthood. I also think it would spark a great discussion between husbands and wives. We all have "beautiful dreams". Trusting in the gifts God has given us and using them for His glory will fulfill our hearts and homes.
So go out and get a copy of One Beautiful Dream! You will not be disappointed. Jennifer is not only eloquent but very funny; plan on laughing out loud while you are reading. I plan on re-reading the book(something I rarely do) and making notes along the way. As I have been musing about this the last few days I have come to see something that I never saw before. Maybe this homeschooling decision was me using the gifts God has given me. If I embrace that thought maybe, just maybe, I will change my attitude from "I am so done with this" to "what can I do today to fulfill my need to create and give thanks to the creator who has given me these gifts."
It is and continues to be a journey.
On the plane ride. A lovely woman brought me a glass of Presseco and food while I read uninterrupted for 6 hours! Now THAT is a beautiful dream.
One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler is a book I wish had been written and available to me 21 years ago as I was transitioning into motherhood. As I have mentioned before, women coming of age in the 80s and 90s were not only given the opportunity to "have it all" but were expected to seamlessly and easily "have it all." Except it never really worked like we thought it would. For me, I couldn't give to my family and my career what I wanted. Working 20 hours a week was not the "best of both world" for me. I could not handle being pulled in different directions and feeling like Iwas able to give to "both worlds" what was needed and deserved. Transitioning from "the best of both worlds" to full time motherhood was hard. Who was I? What did I write in the occupation box on applications? Was I using the gifts God gave me if I "just stayed home with my kids"? Jennifer's book gives a completely different view on what "having it all means". It reminds us that motherhood doesn't mean letting go of who you are. Your gifts, talents, longings are still there and they need to be used in order for you to flourish in your vocation. My motherhood doesn't and shouldn't be a cookie-cutter, copy -cat of what motherhood should look like. Anchored in faith Jennifer shows us how our dreams are not in isolation from our vocation as mothers. Our dreams, our goals, our families, can and should co-exist. They are not mutually exclusive. When we use our gifts we create. When we create we fulfill needs in our lives and that spills over to those around us.
Although this is a memoir of a mother's journey it is not just for mothers. My college daughter read it while I was visiting her. I think it was a great resource for her to have in the back of her mind as she moves into adulthood. I also think it would spark a great discussion between husbands and wives. We all have "beautiful dreams". Trusting in the gifts God has given us and using them for His glory will fulfill our hearts and homes.
So go out and get a copy of One Beautiful Dream! You will not be disappointed. Jennifer is not only eloquent but very funny; plan on laughing out loud while you are reading. I plan on re-reading the book(something I rarely do) and making notes along the way. As I have been musing about this the last few days I have come to see something that I never saw before. Maybe this homeschooling decision was me using the gifts God has given me. If I embrace that thought maybe, just maybe, I will change my attitude from "I am so done with this" to "what can I do today to fulfill my need to create and give thanks to the creator who has given me these gifts."
It is and continues to be a journey.
Monday, March 5, 2018
Blueberry Island
I wonder if other mothers of "large families"(I say large family with a grain of salt) feel like they have two or more mini families within the context of the one family? In my mind I tend to "chunk" the children into the "olders" and "youngers". Or the parents of the children into the "younger selves" and "the not so younger selves". I wonder if other families struggle with providing space for all the children, regardless of the age differences, opportunities to connect?
When we started homeschooling we had three children: 7, 5, 2 years in age, with a baby on the way. Our first few years of schooling was with a baby in tow. Actually up until 5 years ago there was always a "baby in tow". What I am trying to get at is that we did things as a family/school that sometimes I forget to do with this second group of children. "What do you mean you have never been to.....fill in the blank?" "Of course we did......X,Y,Z!"
Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself, or lacking because I can't guarantee they all have the same experiences. I intellectually know that is not possible or necessary. Oh, but a Mother's heart can wreck havoc with guilt.
Last week I had a moment when these family factions seemed to converge (through no effort on my part) and merge into one cohesive experience that all the children have shared throughout the years. I spent some time musing about this as I went about my day. I think people whose children all go through the same schools may have these occurrences naturally but my children don't always share the same milestone school experiences. What we do have and what connected it all for me was "Blueberry Island" and "Miss Heather".
Miss Heather runs nature classes in our area. She started her classes about the same time we started homeschooling. We heard she did some wonderful things with the children AND once a month my non babies would be in class with her for 5 hours! They learned about our local environment but mostly they were outside exploring with her all day. All 6 children, in different groupings, have taken classes with Miss Heather. Right now it is just the 2 youngest, the 6 and 9 year old.
When I picked the boys up the other day Miss Heather talked about the fun hike they had to Blueberry Island. Blueberry Island is the highlight of the class! She explained that she tells all her students how, Alec, (my almost 19 year old) was the first to "discover" Blueberry Island and he was the one who started building the bridge to the island. This was 10 or more years ago! She talked about how my younger boys love to hear the story of what Alec did! What I shared with Miss Heather was this. At Christmas time I overheard all 6 children talking about Blueberry Island and their experiences there. They were chatting and laughing. The "bigs" were telling about what they did at Blueberry Island, and how they were the ones who got to name it! The "Littles" were sharing their recent stories.
What was I doing through all this? Listening and smiling! Feeling grateful for Miss Heather and Blueberry Island for this experience that all the children could share together. For a moment I was not worried that the older children and the middle children had nothing in common. So what if some children may not have been to the Children's Museum or the zoo, or whatever ever else I have missed along the way? In reality, the children who did do those things may not even remember what they did! But what they all remember is Blueberry Island! Even if they were not physically there at the same time they have experienced it together!
When we started homeschooling we had three children: 7, 5, 2 years in age, with a baby on the way. Our first few years of schooling was with a baby in tow. Actually up until 5 years ago there was always a "baby in tow". What I am trying to get at is that we did things as a family/school that sometimes I forget to do with this second group of children. "What do you mean you have never been to.....fill in the blank?" "Of course we did......X,Y,Z!"
Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself, or lacking because I can't guarantee they all have the same experiences. I intellectually know that is not possible or necessary. Oh, but a Mother's heart can wreck havoc with guilt.
Last week I had a moment when these family factions seemed to converge (through no effort on my part) and merge into one cohesive experience that all the children have shared throughout the years. I spent some time musing about this as I went about my day. I think people whose children all go through the same schools may have these occurrences naturally but my children don't always share the same milestone school experiences. What we do have and what connected it all for me was "Blueberry Island" and "Miss Heather".
Miss Heather runs nature classes in our area. She started her classes about the same time we started homeschooling. We heard she did some wonderful things with the children AND once a month my non babies would be in class with her for 5 hours! They learned about our local environment but mostly they were outside exploring with her all day. All 6 children, in different groupings, have taken classes with Miss Heather. Right now it is just the 2 youngest, the 6 and 9 year old.
When I picked the boys up the other day Miss Heather talked about the fun hike they had to Blueberry Island. Blueberry Island is the highlight of the class! She explained that she tells all her students how, Alec, (my almost 19 year old) was the first to "discover" Blueberry Island and he was the one who started building the bridge to the island. This was 10 or more years ago! She talked about how my younger boys love to hear the story of what Alec did! What I shared with Miss Heather was this. At Christmas time I overheard all 6 children talking about Blueberry Island and their experiences there. They were chatting and laughing. The "bigs" were telling about what they did at Blueberry Island, and how they were the ones who got to name it! The "Littles" were sharing their recent stories.
What was I doing through all this? Listening and smiling! Feeling grateful for Miss Heather and Blueberry Island for this experience that all the children could share together. For a moment I was not worried that the older children and the middle children had nothing in common. So what if some children may not have been to the Children's Museum or the zoo, or whatever ever else I have missed along the way? In reality, the children who did do those things may not even remember what they did! But what they all remember is Blueberry Island! Even if they were not physically there at the same time they have experienced it together!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)