"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am meek and humble of heart;
and you will find rest for yourselves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
This gospel reading is one of my favorites. It is something I should read every day. It was my push to tackle one of the topics on my MUSING list: burnout. I started writing this last week after hearing this gospel at Mass. Yet, I couldn't get my thoughts together in a coherent fashion. I have been somewhat quiet on the blogging lately . Instead of something I wanted to do it felt more like something I had to do. The ideas are there swirling as always. I jot them down in a notebook. The thought of writing has been overwhelming. But then again everything has felt overwhelming the past couple of months. We leave for our family trip in two weeks and I just finished making reservations which for me is unheard of as planning our trips has always put a spark in my step. But this year it felt like one more thing on the to do list that I didn't want to do. We could just have a staycation!
Let me start by saying it was a wet, wet, dreary spring here. It seems as if we slogged through May and June, not just in the weather but also with finishing up with school. We fizzled out the school year like a firecracker that would not pop. I couldn't figure out why everything we did felt like we were walking through mud. My mind was so bogged down with thoughts that I couldn't think. A friend who also felt the same way suggested: "Maybe it is burnout." Hmmm. That thought took root and I realized I had felt this way before. My second year of graduate school. I was SO DONE! Being an over achiever in highschool and college left me feeling very burnt out by the time I need ed to buckle down and focus on my studies. If it wasn't my wonderful roommates who refused to let me quit and the fact I had no idea what else I could do I am not sure I would have continued. But I wasn't enjoying my academic experience at all.
Now that I knew what I was dealing with what was I going to do about it? It was still early June and I realized I was desperately hanging on for the two day get away that my hubby and I had planned at the end of June. The first hot day of June I called summer vacation and said I did not want to talk about school or think about school for awhile. I found myself on a reading frenzy like I haven't done in a long time (5 books in 2 weeks-none of them about school, children, marriage, faith, health or anything of social significance).
Remember when I started this blog I said I had no words of wisdom or advice on mothering. Well, if you were hoping for some ideas on how to handle burnout I will refer you back to that post. I got nothing. I wish I had something. But as the summer is plodding along I am grateful for summer and the change of pace it gives us. And sun. Glorious sun!
The two night overnight with my husband was pampering beyond belief. I did feel so much better when I returned. I felt as if I was able to stop thinking for a couple days and just be. I have tried to up my exercise routine this summer. I have, like I said, lost myself in reading (my ultimate coping mechanism). I have decided I need to play more with my kids. Seriously, I am with them all the time but I let the "I got to do this list" over reach itself. The list will never be finished. The kids won't always be kids who want to play. I have rediscovered the joy in the play (though DO NOT ask me to play any strategy games that take days -no joy there). I have slowly started thinking about the up coming school year, but that still causes me much anxiety. 12 years of homeschooling you would think I would have a clue. And I think have come to the core root of my "burnout". It is not homeschooling, or having 6 children, or having too many activities, or not exercising enough, or not playing enough or not spending enough time with my husband. It is thinking too much about all the things I just listed. Because the thinking kicks into a pattern of over thinking. Over thinking is when I question everything and trust nothing. Over thinking takes me off the path and leads me down so many twisted roads and many dead ends. This is when I feel weary and over burdened. When I feel no rest. I know what I should do. I know I should go to God and give all my burdens to Him and ask for rest but I don't. I keep them to myself thinking I can handle it. Plus, I don't want to bother God with my daily struggles, need to save Him for the "big stuff". Yet, it is the daily struggles of our vocation that become the big burdens if we don't hand them over. It is the day to day stuff that burns us out. When I think of the bible passage I quoted I always have a picture of a farmer in my mind. Shouldn't that clue me into the fact that God wants our day to day, routine, boring, same old same old struggles? What is more routine than a farmer's life?
I read once (back when I was reading parenting/schooling books) about a Mom who didn't know what to do for the coming school year with her children because they all had such different needs. So she did exactly what the Gospel said. She went to adoration and placed each child's need in God's hands. She came up with her curriculum choices by listening to God in adoration.
I really do know what I need to do to combat burnout. Vacation, playing, organizing, exercising those are all pieces to the puzzle but the puzzle will not be finished unless I go rest in God. I need to go to adoration and sit with Jesus in silence. Now that I said it out loud (or online) I hopefully will do it. Even if one of my 10 blog readers asks me about how it is going it will keep me accountable! Maybe! ? Say a pray for me and join me in the adoration chapel combating burnout.
