I vividly remember the day my oldest was a baby and my husband found me crying (not really unusual at that point but bare with me). Come to find out, I was envisioning the days when my daughter would be all grown up and I wouldn't like her. Now, before you judge me hear me out. I had always had a "knack" with children. I gravitated towards them, I enjoyed them, I knew I wanted to work in pediatrics BUT I always had this vague feeling of liking the puppy or kitten but not liking the dog or cat. My husband of course was very rational and honestly said, "I look forward to them as teenagers and adults, they will be so interesting." I did not believe him.
Fast forward 20 or so years.
I had a brief chat with my college senior today. It was a quick check in because I was concerned about something and wanted to touch base. The conversation we had made me pause and reminded me about the above conversation I had with my husband. WOW! I like this kid turned adult. This was not the first time recently that I had thought this about both my college "children".
April 2018, I had the most wonderful opportunity. I went to Austria for 5 days to visit my then junior in college during her semester abroad. Our first day was spent in Vienna, St. Stephen's Cathedral for Mass, Vienna coffee houses, out of the way Armenian Monastery: I was like a kid in a candy shop! I love to travel and I hadn't done something like this in a long, long time.: as in BC time (before children). After our day in Vienna we took trains and buses to the quintessential Austrian town of Gaming. The hills were alive! I was ready to go! But my daughter was not. Yes, we started the beautiful spring day with Viennese coffee and a tour of her campus, which use to be a Carthusian monastery. Then she needed to do school work. Ok. I thought, I will plan the next couple days. As we sat in the court yard I started surfing and suggesting: we could rent bikes and ride to the next village, we could take a train to another village and see the big cathedral, we could...., we could......, we could do so much! We are in Austria! Finally, she looked at me and said, "Mom, I just want to hang out here with you. I have been traveling every weekend, I have work to do and I just like having you here with me." OH! Well, that stopped me in my tracks. So I sat and started thinking. And because I have a hard time sitting too long I went for a short hike and let her get on with some studying.
As I hiked I started musing. I already had my junior year in Europe. This was her time not my time. Yet, she wanted me to be part of it, to experience it, to share it with her. That thought brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart to the point of bursting. And suddenly, I was ok with hanging out in Gaming for 4 days, meeting her friends, sitting a coffee shop for two hours drinking the most amazing ice coffee ever, going to daily mass together, meeting up at the restraunt on campus for a drink after a beautiful hike to a waterfall, basically, she was letting me into HER life. It couldn't have been more wonderful if I had planned it myself! HA! I kind of like this person. I might have actually chosen to hang with her in Austria even if she wasn't my daughter!
That thought stayed with me as I flew home. I mused that I should do that with every child before they "fly the coop": spend some quality time with them on their own turf. Again, I was planning and organizing and something bigger was going to intervene and show me that I don't need to go to Austria to appreciate the adults my children are becoming.
In May my college son and I took a quick 2 day trip to Washington DC. He was thinking of transferring and UMaryland was one of his choice. Well, off we went. How surprised I was when I was so quickly blessed with another "I like these adult kids moment." Of course his was completely different in style than his sister's but that makes sense! They are completely different people. And yet....I love them. Wait. I have to love them they are my kids. I actually LIKE them! They touch different parts of ME. And this is what I remember and cherish most from our quick two day turn around: having my son introduce me to new music that I never would have listened to, including some funny rap songs, having to reveal one of my most embarrassing life moments to him and he not blinking an eye, having him stuck in a car and actually talking about things in his life and then saying, "wow, I just talked a lot.", asking him if he wanted detour to "Rut's Hut?" and him knowing what I was talking about and agreeing, pulling into a campground at midnight and kind of just going with the flow of setting up in the dark, both of us drawing a "line" down the middle of the tent: making sure the other stayed on his side, and me being completely confident in his ability to drive us through NYC. Laughing. Wow. I like him too.
Having children from age 7-21.....what can I say? You are in many different "time zones". I cherish the ones who still snuggle on my lap because I know those days are ending soon. But because I have had these experiences with my older two I can start to see them in the middle two and I am getting excited. I am amazed how my husband nailed it on the head all those years ago. They ARE interesting and even if they were not my children I would choose to spend time with them because I like the people they have become and are becoming! For that I am eternally grateful.
