The Macaroni and Cheese Moment

I have six children ranging in age from 5-19.  Except for the first two I like to say we were on the 3 year plan.  Several weeks ago I drove my oldest 10 hours away to begin her sophomore year in college.  When I returned home I sent the next oldest off for his senior year in highschool and the third child began her first year of highschool.  She had been homeschooled through eighth grade so this brick and mortar school was a big transition.  All this happened over a 4 day period.  As Man-Boy and his sister pulled out of the driveway I was quite pleased with myself.  I had handled all these milestone moments with no tears.  Well done Lynn.

The three remaining children and I began our day.  At lunch time the 11 year old went to make macaroni and cheese.  It was when she asked me how many boxes she should make that my world stopped for a second and I had to catch my breath.  When all the children are milling about the kitchen at lunch time we are up to 3 boxes of Annie's Mac & Cheese.  At that moment I looked at the faces in the kitchen and with an ache in my heart I whispered,  "just one".  Just one.  One box for three younger kids.  Only three children here right now.  The last time life looked like that we were on the "up" swing.  Three children and adding.  Now it seems we are 6 children and subtracting.  Well, this is certainly not how I had expected the day to go.  Ever since that moment I have been noticing the shifting of the rhythm of the house.  The highschool senior who is busy and mobile but who has always and still does his homework on the kitchen table.  How I love connecting with him then.  Even if we don't  (and usually we don't) talk.  The highschool freshman who is throwing herself into everything the highschool has to offer.  She has more guts in her pinky finger than most adults have in their whole lives.  The 11 year old who is stepping up as oldest in our one class school room. And the little (not really little) boys.  What a gift they are to me.  I still have little ones to snuggle.  I try to stop and watch the wonder of exploring and discovery in their eyes.  It aches to know this time is soon fading.

When I was a new mom there was a book that circulated around my La Leche League friends.  I can't remember the name but I do remember the "macaroni & cheese" moment in the book.  The author talked about how she realized what her life as a mother was when she was picking up macaroni & cheese from the floor for the millionth time.  How things come full circle.