We all know the commercial where the parents are singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" while buying back to school supplies for their children. There are many reasons why I don't like that commercial. One of the reasons is because it signals a major transitional time of year and what I have realized through my musings in the last few years is that I really don't like transitions.
Starting mid August to mid September my stomach is in knots, and I look toward my birthday at the end of September as a kind of finish line. When I get there I celebrate, the routines are more or less in place and there is a certain normalcy to life again. As a child I would have the yearly "back to school dream". I can't remember it exactly anymore but I do remember I had it every August and it filled me with dread. As an adult I may not have the dream but I still have the dread. It is the thought of going from days of openness with unending possibilities to days of strict schedules and business. Now that I have college students and highschoolers who are not homeschooled it is knowing they will not be flitting in and out of the kitchen all day. It is knowing that even with the homeschoolers we have things we must get done, places we must be, people we must see. Not that more relaxed tone of summer is better, both are needed but it is the shift between the two that sends me into a tizzy. I reluctantly took the September calendar out yesterday and started plotting and planning, slowly and methodically shifting my mindset from a time of being to a time of doing.
The highschoolers are in school, the college boy is returning tomorrow, the working girl is at work and the homeschoolers and I are going to embrace this new norm with excitement.....next week!
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
The Little Things
What a crazy spring we had! From the first day of spring until mid June our family celebrated two sacraments (First Communion & Confirmation), two theater productions, a dance recital, two baseball teams,swim lessons, a quick trip to Ireland for hubby and me, a weekend trip to Ohio for a college graduation, a prom, and 5 out of 6 children's birthdays (two of whom are still waiting for a party). Oh yea, and we rescued a 18 month old dog from Alabama! I am not complaining, really. I am just tired!
As I tried to keep my head above water the past few months my mantra became, "Blessed Chaos." The way we choose to look at things impacts the way we approach them. I am not saying I didn't break down in tears many times trying to juggle the schedule because that would be an out right lie. But I really did try to reframe my thought process as I was moving through the Blessed Chaos. All these things All these activities, events, celebrations,were good! Not just good but great! They are the stops and starts on the road to adulthood. Not only do we physically drive our children here, there and everywhere but we help them navigate their interests so they can find and use their God given gifts. It is one of the best parts of the "job" we have and we fill with parental pride as our children move through the major and minor milestones of their lives, struggling, stumbling and succeeding. How can we not?
However, I found out during this crazy spring season, that it wasn't the major milestones that shattered my maternal heart but it was what seemed to start as an ordinary event, on an ordinary day, that was an extraordinary experience for me. The 11 year old started in Boyscouts this spring. He was completing his requirement for his first advancement. My husband usually takes him to the scout meetings but for some reason I was in charge that day. My young scout was wrecked with anxiety all day about having to go talk to one of the leaders that night. When I say he was worried, we spent most of the our homeschooling day, going over his requirements and talking him through what he need to say and do. My husband spoke with him on the phone. I continued to reassure him throughout the day. But he was not convinced that this would work. I was present at the end of the meeting so I could be there if he needed me to help him navigate approaching the leaders. However, I made sure I was way in the background, just giving him little head nods and smiles as he waited for the leader to acknowledge him. Finally, the leader saw him and asked if he needed something. Tentatively, my son approached and started explaining all he had done to earn the rank of Scout. When they were done talking, son turned around and was beaming! The joy on his face and the realization that he accomplished something so challenging (not the rank of scout but the presentation of his work) was more than my heart could bare. I was given the gift of seeing a glimpse of the man he developing into. We say we are proud of our children, but at that moment, my heart was shattered with love and pride. Even now, writing this, I am brought to tears. By some miracle, I was able to drive him home and chit chat about the meeting and how well he did without breaking down in tears (that I saved for my husband later on!) The 11 year old was quite please with himself but I don't think he realized, like I realized, how much he accomplished that night!
In your times of Blessed Chaos try to hold onto those moments of pure joy!
As I tried to keep my head above water the past few months my mantra became, "Blessed Chaos." The way we choose to look at things impacts the way we approach them. I am not saying I didn't break down in tears many times trying to juggle the schedule because that would be an out right lie. But I really did try to reframe my thought process as I was moving through the Blessed Chaos. All these things All these activities, events, celebrations,were good! Not just good but great! They are the stops and starts on the road to adulthood. Not only do we physically drive our children here, there and everywhere but we help them navigate their interests so they can find and use their God given gifts. It is one of the best parts of the "job" we have and we fill with parental pride as our children move through the major and minor milestones of their lives, struggling, stumbling and succeeding. How can we not?
However, I found out during this crazy spring season, that it wasn't the major milestones that shattered my maternal heart but it was what seemed to start as an ordinary event, on an ordinary day, that was an extraordinary experience for me. The 11 year old started in Boyscouts this spring. He was completing his requirement for his first advancement. My husband usually takes him to the scout meetings but for some reason I was in charge that day. My young scout was wrecked with anxiety all day about having to go talk to one of the leaders that night. When I say he was worried, we spent most of the our homeschooling day, going over his requirements and talking him through what he need to say and do. My husband spoke with him on the phone. I continued to reassure him throughout the day. But he was not convinced that this would work. I was present at the end of the meeting so I could be there if he needed me to help him navigate approaching the leaders. However, I made sure I was way in the background, just giving him little head nods and smiles as he waited for the leader to acknowledge him. Finally, the leader saw him and asked if he needed something. Tentatively, my son approached and started explaining all he had done to earn the rank of Scout. When they were done talking, son turned around and was beaming! The joy on his face and the realization that he accomplished something so challenging (not the rank of scout but the presentation of his work) was more than my heart could bare. I was given the gift of seeing a glimpse of the man he developing into. We say we are proud of our children, but at that moment, my heart was shattered with love and pride. Even now, writing this, I am brought to tears. By some miracle, I was able to drive him home and chit chat about the meeting and how well he did without breaking down in tears (that I saved for my husband later on!) The 11 year old was quite please with himself but I don't think he realized, like I realized, how much he accomplished that night!
In your times of Blessed Chaos try to hold onto those moments of pure joy!
Monday, January 21, 2019
What do I want to be when I grow up?
Periodically, my husband and I revisit the idea of me taking on a paying job. Usually, it results in me getting stymied at the prospect of putting together a resume but I decided this was the year I would tackle that first step. How to put into words what we do as mothers is a blog post in and of itself: one I am not ready to write because I am still trying to figure it out! However, this idea of leaving the safety of my home and going back out into the work force has forced me to think of what I want to be when I grow up.
The easiest route would be to hop back into my previous profession as a Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist. I ran into an former colleague once who asked me a question that I have pondered ever since: "But do you want to sit on the floor any more?" (We worked in Early Intervention together. our offices were sitting on the floor playing with children up to 3 years old.). In the intervening time from that question and me sitting down working on this resume I have day dreamed of the ultimate job.
Are you ready?
I want my own bookmobile! I want to drive around into neighborhoods with my vast array of children's books and share them with children. I see a need for this! Not just in underprivileged neighborhoods but in places like where I live. Neighbors are isolated. People are inside unless they are scheduled to go somewhere. So in my vision the bookmobile would show up and after a few times ,when parents trusted me, they would send their children out to the bookmobile to pick a book. I would have just books (and maybe cookies) in my bookmobile. My job would be to help each child find the perfect book that would transport him into a new world. Impromptu book clubs would spring up as the children started sharing favorite stories with each other. Conversations would flow and flourish. Neighbors would get to know each other again. Sharing of ideas and civil conversations would be a natural progression.
I am not sure what this has to do with motherhood. Except in the chaos of family life it is sometimes good to dream big.
What do I need to accomplish this? I have plenty of children's books (and my husband would probably be happy to move them OUT of the house). I even have experience driving large vehicles. Not just our family car but I drove a bus for a few short months in college! What I need is someone to donate a bus, refurbish it for me, and pay me.
Any takers?
The easiest route would be to hop back into my previous profession as a Pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist. I ran into an former colleague once who asked me a question that I have pondered ever since: "But do you want to sit on the floor any more?" (We worked in Early Intervention together. our offices were sitting on the floor playing with children up to 3 years old.). In the intervening time from that question and me sitting down working on this resume I have day dreamed of the ultimate job.
Are you ready?
I want my own bookmobile! I want to drive around into neighborhoods with my vast array of children's books and share them with children. I see a need for this! Not just in underprivileged neighborhoods but in places like where I live. Neighbors are isolated. People are inside unless they are scheduled to go somewhere. So in my vision the bookmobile would show up and after a few times ,when parents trusted me, they would send their children out to the bookmobile to pick a book. I would have just books (and maybe cookies) in my bookmobile. My job would be to help each child find the perfect book that would transport him into a new world. Impromptu book clubs would spring up as the children started sharing favorite stories with each other. Conversations would flow and flourish. Neighbors would get to know each other again. Sharing of ideas and civil conversations would be a natural progression.
I am not sure what this has to do with motherhood. Except in the chaos of family life it is sometimes good to dream big.
What do I need to accomplish this? I have plenty of children's books (and my husband would probably be happy to move them OUT of the house). I even have experience driving large vehicles. Not just our family car but I drove a bus for a few short months in college! What I need is someone to donate a bus, refurbish it for me, and pay me.
Any takers?
Saturday, October 27, 2018
Adult like children
I vividly remember the day my oldest was a baby and my husband found me crying (not really unusual at that point but bare with me). Come to find out, I was envisioning the days when my daughter would be all grown up and I wouldn't like her. Now, before you judge me hear me out. I had always had a "knack" with children. I gravitated towards them, I enjoyed them, I knew I wanted to work in pediatrics BUT I always had this vague feeling of liking the puppy or kitten but not liking the dog or cat. My husband of course was very rational and honestly said, "I look forward to them as teenagers and adults, they will be so interesting." I did not believe him.
Fast forward 20 or so years.
I had a brief chat with my college senior today. It was a quick check in because I was concerned about something and wanted to touch base. The conversation we had made me pause and reminded me about the above conversation I had with my husband. WOW! I like this kid turned adult. This was not the first time recently that I had thought this about both my college "children".
April 2018, I had the most wonderful opportunity. I went to Austria for 5 days to visit my then junior in college during her semester abroad. Our first day was spent in Vienna, St. Stephen's Cathedral for Mass, Vienna coffee houses, out of the way Armenian Monastery: I was like a kid in a candy shop! I love to travel and I hadn't done something like this in a long, long time.: as in BC time (before children). After our day in Vienna we took trains and buses to the quintessential Austrian town of Gaming. The hills were alive! I was ready to go! But my daughter was not. Yes, we started the beautiful spring day with Viennese coffee and a tour of her campus, which use to be a Carthusian monastery. Then she needed to do school work. Ok. I thought, I will plan the next couple days. As we sat in the court yard I started surfing and suggesting: we could rent bikes and ride to the next village, we could take a train to another village and see the big cathedral, we could...., we could......, we could do so much! We are in Austria! Finally, she looked at me and said, "Mom, I just want to hang out here with you. I have been traveling every weekend, I have work to do and I just like having you here with me." OH! Well, that stopped me in my tracks. So I sat and started thinking. And because I have a hard time sitting too long I went for a short hike and let her get on with some studying.
As I hiked I started musing. I already had my junior year in Europe. This was her time not my time. Yet, she wanted me to be part of it, to experience it, to share it with her. That thought brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart to the point of bursting. And suddenly, I was ok with hanging out in Gaming for 4 days, meeting her friends, sitting a coffee shop for two hours drinking the most amazing ice coffee ever, going to daily mass together, meeting up at the restraunt on campus for a drink after a beautiful hike to a waterfall, basically, she was letting me into HER life. It couldn't have been more wonderful if I had planned it myself! HA! I kind of like this person. I might have actually chosen to hang with her in Austria even if she wasn't my daughter!
That thought stayed with me as I flew home. I mused that I should do that with every child before they "fly the coop": spend some quality time with them on their own turf. Again, I was planning and organizing and something bigger was going to intervene and show me that I don't need to go to Austria to appreciate the adults my children are becoming.
In May my college son and I took a quick 2 day trip to Washington DC. He was thinking of transferring and UMaryland was one of his choice. Well, off we went. How surprised I was when I was so quickly blessed with another "I like these adult kids moment." Of course his was completely different in style than his sister's but that makes sense! They are completely different people. And yet....I love them. Wait. I have to love them they are my kids. I actually LIKE them! They touch different parts of ME. And this is what I remember and cherish most from our quick two day turn around: having my son introduce me to new music that I never would have listened to, including some funny rap songs, having to reveal one of my most embarrassing life moments to him and he not blinking an eye, having him stuck in a car and actually talking about things in his life and then saying, "wow, I just talked a lot.", asking him if he wanted detour to "Rut's Hut?" and him knowing what I was talking about and agreeing, pulling into a campground at midnight and kind of just going with the flow of setting up in the dark, both of us drawing a "line" down the middle of the tent: making sure the other stayed on his side, and me being completely confident in his ability to drive us through NYC. Laughing. Wow. I like him too.
Having children from age 7-21.....what can I say? You are in many different "time zones". I cherish the ones who still snuggle on my lap because I know those days are ending soon. But because I have had these experiences with my older two I can start to see them in the middle two and I am getting excited. I am amazed how my husband nailed it on the head all those years ago. They ARE interesting and even if they were not my children I would choose to spend time with them because I like the people they have become and are becoming! For that I am eternally grateful.
Fast forward 20 or so years.
I had a brief chat with my college senior today. It was a quick check in because I was concerned about something and wanted to touch base. The conversation we had made me pause and reminded me about the above conversation I had with my husband. WOW! I like this kid turned adult. This was not the first time recently that I had thought this about both my college "children".
April 2018, I had the most wonderful opportunity. I went to Austria for 5 days to visit my then junior in college during her semester abroad. Our first day was spent in Vienna, St. Stephen's Cathedral for Mass, Vienna coffee houses, out of the way Armenian Monastery: I was like a kid in a candy shop! I love to travel and I hadn't done something like this in a long, long time.: as in BC time (before children). After our day in Vienna we took trains and buses to the quintessential Austrian town of Gaming. The hills were alive! I was ready to go! But my daughter was not. Yes, we started the beautiful spring day with Viennese coffee and a tour of her campus, which use to be a Carthusian monastery. Then she needed to do school work. Ok. I thought, I will plan the next couple days. As we sat in the court yard I started surfing and suggesting: we could rent bikes and ride to the next village, we could take a train to another village and see the big cathedral, we could...., we could......, we could do so much! We are in Austria! Finally, she looked at me and said, "Mom, I just want to hang out here with you. I have been traveling every weekend, I have work to do and I just like having you here with me." OH! Well, that stopped me in my tracks. So I sat and started thinking. And because I have a hard time sitting too long I went for a short hike and let her get on with some studying.
As I hiked I started musing. I already had my junior year in Europe. This was her time not my time. Yet, she wanted me to be part of it, to experience it, to share it with her. That thought brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart to the point of bursting. And suddenly, I was ok with hanging out in Gaming for 4 days, meeting her friends, sitting a coffee shop for two hours drinking the most amazing ice coffee ever, going to daily mass together, meeting up at the restraunt on campus for a drink after a beautiful hike to a waterfall, basically, she was letting me into HER life. It couldn't have been more wonderful if I had planned it myself! HA! I kind of like this person. I might have actually chosen to hang with her in Austria even if she wasn't my daughter!
That thought stayed with me as I flew home. I mused that I should do that with every child before they "fly the coop": spend some quality time with them on their own turf. Again, I was planning and organizing and something bigger was going to intervene and show me that I don't need to go to Austria to appreciate the adults my children are becoming.
In May my college son and I took a quick 2 day trip to Washington DC. He was thinking of transferring and UMaryland was one of his choice. Well, off we went. How surprised I was when I was so quickly blessed with another "I like these adult kids moment." Of course his was completely different in style than his sister's but that makes sense! They are completely different people. And yet....I love them. Wait. I have to love them they are my kids. I actually LIKE them! They touch different parts of ME. And this is what I remember and cherish most from our quick two day turn around: having my son introduce me to new music that I never would have listened to, including some funny rap songs, having to reveal one of my most embarrassing life moments to him and he not blinking an eye, having him stuck in a car and actually talking about things in his life and then saying, "wow, I just talked a lot.", asking him if he wanted detour to "Rut's Hut?" and him knowing what I was talking about and agreeing, pulling into a campground at midnight and kind of just going with the flow of setting up in the dark, both of us drawing a "line" down the middle of the tent: making sure the other stayed on his side, and me being completely confident in his ability to drive us through NYC. Laughing. Wow. I like him too.
Having children from age 7-21.....what can I say? You are in many different "time zones". I cherish the ones who still snuggle on my lap because I know those days are ending soon. But because I have had these experiences with my older two I can start to see them in the middle two and I am getting excited. I am amazed how my husband nailed it on the head all those years ago. They ARE interesting and even if they were not my children I would choose to spend time with them because I like the people they have become and are becoming! For that I am eternally grateful.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
One Beautiful Dream
Recently I had the opportunity to not only leave the house without children but to leave the country for 6 days! I was blessed to go visit my college daughter in Austria during her semester abroad. To say it was a wonderful adventure is putting it mildly and I will get around to musing about that in a later post. However, what I want to share with you today is a new book I read on the plane. Yes, I read the whole thing in one sitting from Boston to Vienna.
One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler is a book I wish had been written and available to me 21 years ago as I was transitioning into motherhood. As I have mentioned before, women coming of age in the 80s and 90s were not only given the opportunity to "have it all" but were expected to seamlessly and easily "have it all." Except it never really worked like we thought it would. For me, I couldn't give to my family and my career what I wanted. Working 20 hours a week was not the "best of both world" for me. I could not handle being pulled in different directions and feeling like Iwas able to give to "both worlds" what was needed and deserved. Transitioning from "the best of both worlds" to full time motherhood was hard. Who was I? What did I write in the occupation box on applications? Was I using the gifts God gave me if I "just stayed home with my kids"? Jennifer's book gives a completely different view on what "having it all means". It reminds us that motherhood doesn't mean letting go of who you are. Your gifts, talents, longings are still there and they need to be used in order for you to flourish in your vocation. My motherhood doesn't and shouldn't be a cookie-cutter, copy -cat of what motherhood should look like. Anchored in faith Jennifer shows us how our dreams are not in isolation from our vocation as mothers. Our dreams, our goals, our families, can and should co-exist. They are not mutually exclusive. When we use our gifts we create. When we create we fulfill needs in our lives and that spills over to those around us.
Although this is a memoir of a mother's journey it is not just for mothers. My college daughter read it while I was visiting her. I think it was a great resource for her to have in the back of her mind as she moves into adulthood. I also think it would spark a great discussion between husbands and wives. We all have "beautiful dreams". Trusting in the gifts God has given us and using them for His glory will fulfill our hearts and homes.
So go out and get a copy of One Beautiful Dream! You will not be disappointed. Jennifer is not only eloquent but very funny; plan on laughing out loud while you are reading. I plan on re-reading the book(something I rarely do) and making notes along the way. As I have been musing about this the last few days I have come to see something that I never saw before. Maybe this homeschooling decision was me using the gifts God has given me. If I embrace that thought maybe, just maybe, I will change my attitude from "I am so done with this" to "what can I do today to fulfill my need to create and give thanks to the creator who has given me these gifts."
It is and continues to be a journey.
On the plane ride. A lovely woman brought me a glass of Presseco and food while I read uninterrupted for 6 hours! Now THAT is a beautiful dream.
One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler is a book I wish had been written and available to me 21 years ago as I was transitioning into motherhood. As I have mentioned before, women coming of age in the 80s and 90s were not only given the opportunity to "have it all" but were expected to seamlessly and easily "have it all." Except it never really worked like we thought it would. For me, I couldn't give to my family and my career what I wanted. Working 20 hours a week was not the "best of both world" for me. I could not handle being pulled in different directions and feeling like Iwas able to give to "both worlds" what was needed and deserved. Transitioning from "the best of both worlds" to full time motherhood was hard. Who was I? What did I write in the occupation box on applications? Was I using the gifts God gave me if I "just stayed home with my kids"? Jennifer's book gives a completely different view on what "having it all means". It reminds us that motherhood doesn't mean letting go of who you are. Your gifts, talents, longings are still there and they need to be used in order for you to flourish in your vocation. My motherhood doesn't and shouldn't be a cookie-cutter, copy -cat of what motherhood should look like. Anchored in faith Jennifer shows us how our dreams are not in isolation from our vocation as mothers. Our dreams, our goals, our families, can and should co-exist. They are not mutually exclusive. When we use our gifts we create. When we create we fulfill needs in our lives and that spills over to those around us.
Although this is a memoir of a mother's journey it is not just for mothers. My college daughter read it while I was visiting her. I think it was a great resource for her to have in the back of her mind as she moves into adulthood. I also think it would spark a great discussion between husbands and wives. We all have "beautiful dreams". Trusting in the gifts God has given us and using them for His glory will fulfill our hearts and homes.
So go out and get a copy of One Beautiful Dream! You will not be disappointed. Jennifer is not only eloquent but very funny; plan on laughing out loud while you are reading. I plan on re-reading the book(something I rarely do) and making notes along the way. As I have been musing about this the last few days I have come to see something that I never saw before. Maybe this homeschooling decision was me using the gifts God has given me. If I embrace that thought maybe, just maybe, I will change my attitude from "I am so done with this" to "what can I do today to fulfill my need to create and give thanks to the creator who has given me these gifts."
It is and continues to be a journey.
Monday, March 5, 2018
Blueberry Island
I wonder if other mothers of "large families"(I say large family with a grain of salt) feel like they have two or more mini families within the context of the one family? In my mind I tend to "chunk" the children into the "olders" and "youngers". Or the parents of the children into the "younger selves" and "the not so younger selves". I wonder if other families struggle with providing space for all the children, regardless of the age differences, opportunities to connect?
When we started homeschooling we had three children: 7, 5, 2 years in age, with a baby on the way. Our first few years of schooling was with a baby in tow. Actually up until 5 years ago there was always a "baby in tow". What I am trying to get at is that we did things as a family/school that sometimes I forget to do with this second group of children. "What do you mean you have never been to.....fill in the blank?" "Of course we did......X,Y,Z!"
Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself, or lacking because I can't guarantee they all have the same experiences. I intellectually know that is not possible or necessary. Oh, but a Mother's heart can wreck havoc with guilt.
Last week I had a moment when these family factions seemed to converge (through no effort on my part) and merge into one cohesive experience that all the children have shared throughout the years. I spent some time musing about this as I went about my day. I think people whose children all go through the same schools may have these occurrences naturally but my children don't always share the same milestone school experiences. What we do have and what connected it all for me was "Blueberry Island" and "Miss Heather".
Miss Heather runs nature classes in our area. She started her classes about the same time we started homeschooling. We heard she did some wonderful things with the children AND once a month my non babies would be in class with her for 5 hours! They learned about our local environment but mostly they were outside exploring with her all day. All 6 children, in different groupings, have taken classes with Miss Heather. Right now it is just the 2 youngest, the 6 and 9 year old.
When I picked the boys up the other day Miss Heather talked about the fun hike they had to Blueberry Island. Blueberry Island is the highlight of the class! She explained that she tells all her students how, Alec, (my almost 19 year old) was the first to "discover" Blueberry Island and he was the one who started building the bridge to the island. This was 10 or more years ago! She talked about how my younger boys love to hear the story of what Alec did! What I shared with Miss Heather was this. At Christmas time I overheard all 6 children talking about Blueberry Island and their experiences there. They were chatting and laughing. The "bigs" were telling about what they did at Blueberry Island, and how they were the ones who got to name it! The "Littles" were sharing their recent stories.
What was I doing through all this? Listening and smiling! Feeling grateful for Miss Heather and Blueberry Island for this experience that all the children could share together. For a moment I was not worried that the older children and the middle children had nothing in common. So what if some children may not have been to the Children's Museum or the zoo, or whatever ever else I have missed along the way? In reality, the children who did do those things may not even remember what they did! But what they all remember is Blueberry Island! Even if they were not physically there at the same time they have experienced it together!
When we started homeschooling we had three children: 7, 5, 2 years in age, with a baby on the way. Our first few years of schooling was with a baby in tow. Actually up until 5 years ago there was always a "baby in tow". What I am trying to get at is that we did things as a family/school that sometimes I forget to do with this second group of children. "What do you mean you have never been to.....fill in the blank?" "Of course we did......X,Y,Z!"
Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself, or lacking because I can't guarantee they all have the same experiences. I intellectually know that is not possible or necessary. Oh, but a Mother's heart can wreck havoc with guilt.
Last week I had a moment when these family factions seemed to converge (through no effort on my part) and merge into one cohesive experience that all the children have shared throughout the years. I spent some time musing about this as I went about my day. I think people whose children all go through the same schools may have these occurrences naturally but my children don't always share the same milestone school experiences. What we do have and what connected it all for me was "Blueberry Island" and "Miss Heather".
Miss Heather runs nature classes in our area. She started her classes about the same time we started homeschooling. We heard she did some wonderful things with the children AND once a month my non babies would be in class with her for 5 hours! They learned about our local environment but mostly they were outside exploring with her all day. All 6 children, in different groupings, have taken classes with Miss Heather. Right now it is just the 2 youngest, the 6 and 9 year old.
When I picked the boys up the other day Miss Heather talked about the fun hike they had to Blueberry Island. Blueberry Island is the highlight of the class! She explained that she tells all her students how, Alec, (my almost 19 year old) was the first to "discover" Blueberry Island and he was the one who started building the bridge to the island. This was 10 or more years ago! She talked about how my younger boys love to hear the story of what Alec did! What I shared with Miss Heather was this. At Christmas time I overheard all 6 children talking about Blueberry Island and their experiences there. They were chatting and laughing. The "bigs" were telling about what they did at Blueberry Island, and how they were the ones who got to name it! The "Littles" were sharing their recent stories.
What was I doing through all this? Listening and smiling! Feeling grateful for Miss Heather and Blueberry Island for this experience that all the children could share together. For a moment I was not worried that the older children and the middle children had nothing in common. So what if some children may not have been to the Children's Museum or the zoo, or whatever ever else I have missed along the way? In reality, the children who did do those things may not even remember what they did! But what they all remember is Blueberry Island! Even if they were not physically there at the same time they have experienced it together!
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Advent
Twenty one Advents ago I finally "got it". I finally understood the true meaning of waiting. Not the waiting for Santa to bring you presents excitement that you had when you were a child. But the waiting for the beginning of something more than what currently was. Twenty one Advents ago I was waiting for our first child to be born (supposedly on Christmas Eve-but January 2 she finally arrived). All my life I have had a special love for the Blessed Virgin Mary. That Advent it was intensified. We waited together for the birth of our children. I asked Mary to help me as my apprehension grew and I prayed a Hail Mary through EVERY major contraction. I looked up during transition and my nurse was wearing a pin from Medjugorje. Mary has always been with me, leading me and guiding me in my faith.
As I grew in Motherhood I continued to look toward Mary for guidance. The love a mother has for her children gives us a small inkling in how much Mary loves us but more than that how much our Heavenly Father loves us. It is humbling. However, since this is a mothering blog I am going to continue my focus on Mary. As I birthed, nursed, and cared for more children one part of the Infancy Narratives began to annoy me. (Yes, I just said something in the gospels annoyed me, but I haven't been struck down yet.) It was the part about swaddling Jesus and placing him in the manger. My La Leche League friend will understand this train of thought even if others don't. All I kept thinking was "REALLY!? No way did Mary put down her brand new baby! She kangaroo cared him, nurse him on demand, and wore him 24/7. The gospel writers were OBVIOUSLY men!" This line of thought continued until this Advent. Mary, who has always guided me to her son was probably finally fed up with my fresh, arrogant attitude and was ready to set me straight.
A few weeks ago I started reading The Life of Mary as Seen by the Mystics. My almost 21 year old gave it to me a couple years ago and I never got around to reading it, until now. Coincidence, I think not. Although I am enjoying the book it is a slow read: not because it is difficult to understand but because each chapter leads you to ponder or muse. I really need to sit with what I have read before I move on. Last week I got to the infancy narrative. Here we go I thought. How could she put him down? In a manger no less! It was cold! The hay was itchy! He was just born! He needed his mother! I don't get it. Well, this my friends is Mary's job: to help us "get it". We Catholic are mistakenly accused of worshiping Mary. We don't. We venerate her as the Mother of God. We ask for her intercession with her son. And her job, her motherly vocation has always, from the beginning, been to lead us to her son; to point us in his direction and say, "Look, there is your Savior. Adore Him. Love Him. Trust Him." As I was reading and musing I finally got it (again). In my minds eye I saw Mary loving put the Son of God in the manger, next to her stood Saint Joseph and next to the manger was the Monstrance (the Monstrance is the vessel used in the Catholic Church to hold the Consecrated Eucharist). Just to be clear, there was no mystical vision here just an "aha" moment. I finally understood why Mary placed Jesus in the manger. The manger and the Monstrance are one. When we bow before the Monstrance we praise and adore our God. Mary placed Jesus in the manger so we ALL could bow and adore our God. The lyrics "O, come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord" took on a fuller, richer, meaning. Mary once again points us to Jesus as she and St. Joseph invite the shepherds, the wise men, the animals and all of us to adore Jesus. I know priest have been pointing this out every Christmas mass I have ever gone to but isn't amazing when you finally, finally "get it"? Once again Mary took my hand and led me where I needed to be: kneeling before her son adoring Him.
May your Advent be blessed as you wait to adore Christ the Lord!
As I grew in Motherhood I continued to look toward Mary for guidance. The love a mother has for her children gives us a small inkling in how much Mary loves us but more than that how much our Heavenly Father loves us. It is humbling. However, since this is a mothering blog I am going to continue my focus on Mary. As I birthed, nursed, and cared for more children one part of the Infancy Narratives began to annoy me. (Yes, I just said something in the gospels annoyed me, but I haven't been struck down yet.) It was the part about swaddling Jesus and placing him in the manger. My La Leche League friend will understand this train of thought even if others don't. All I kept thinking was "REALLY!? No way did Mary put down her brand new baby! She kangaroo cared him, nurse him on demand, and wore him 24/7. The gospel writers were OBVIOUSLY men!" This line of thought continued until this Advent. Mary, who has always guided me to her son was probably finally fed up with my fresh, arrogant attitude and was ready to set me straight.
A few weeks ago I started reading The Life of Mary as Seen by the Mystics. My almost 21 year old gave it to me a couple years ago and I never got around to reading it, until now. Coincidence, I think not. Although I am enjoying the book it is a slow read: not because it is difficult to understand but because each chapter leads you to ponder or muse. I really need to sit with what I have read before I move on. Last week I got to the infancy narrative. Here we go I thought. How could she put him down? In a manger no less! It was cold! The hay was itchy! He was just born! He needed his mother! I don't get it. Well, this my friends is Mary's job: to help us "get it". We Catholic are mistakenly accused of worshiping Mary. We don't. We venerate her as the Mother of God. We ask for her intercession with her son. And her job, her motherly vocation has always, from the beginning, been to lead us to her son; to point us in his direction and say, "Look, there is your Savior. Adore Him. Love Him. Trust Him." As I was reading and musing I finally got it (again). In my minds eye I saw Mary loving put the Son of God in the manger, next to her stood Saint Joseph and next to the manger was the Monstrance (the Monstrance is the vessel used in the Catholic Church to hold the Consecrated Eucharist). Just to be clear, there was no mystical vision here just an "aha" moment. I finally understood why Mary placed Jesus in the manger. The manger and the Monstrance are one. When we bow before the Monstrance we praise and adore our God. Mary placed Jesus in the manger so we ALL could bow and adore our God. The lyrics "O, come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord" took on a fuller, richer, meaning. Mary once again points us to Jesus as she and St. Joseph invite the shepherds, the wise men, the animals and all of us to adore Jesus. I know priest have been pointing this out every Christmas mass I have ever gone to but isn't amazing when you finally, finally "get it"? Once again Mary took my hand and led me where I needed to be: kneeling before her son adoring Him.
May your Advent be blessed as you wait to adore Christ the Lord!
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